Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life

"I can feel the weight, I can just come clean

I keep it to myself, I know what it means

I can't have you, but I have dreams."

- Brandi Carlile, Dreams

Oh my goodness.  This weekend seems to have been a blur.  Actually these last two/three weeks seem like a blur.  The highs have been high, the lows have...well been low, like 6 feet under, I think I touched Earth's core that how low I got.  

Lets just say that even after escaping (and getting reprimanded for it) for an hour on Saturday and having several discussions with friends it took all I had not to cry through Jim's entire sermon on Sunday morning.  When the alter call came it was just a blessing that I was able to make it all the way over to where Ron was standing because I could hardly see at that point from the tears.  Ron's hug has been the best thing that's happened to me in almost the past month, it was so comforting.  It took me a good 3 minutes before my speech was coherent, but I finally broke down enough to share with the entire church that I seem to have sunk into a state of depression that I don't know how to get out of.

While I know I'm no where close to being back to normal I will say that the support I've gotten in the last couple of days has been really helpful and appreciated.  I still find it difficult to completely share what's going on, but I really am working on that.  I'm just grateful that God has put so many wonderful people in my life to help me overcome this "funk".  I'm so thankful God has placed me in such a loving environment and church family.

On a happier note:  After having a "ehh" day today I got home and watched Case 39 with Samantha.  The movie reassured me that social work/therapy/most things having to do with my degree is not the career choice for me, but it was a great movie.  I then had an AWESOME 2.5 hour conversation/Skype session with Mallory, Rachel, and Dave.  It was like we had gone back in time to 3 years ago when they were all in town and we would hang out at McCartney Motel, even though we were representing Dallas, DC, and Tallahassee.  I'm finishing this day with a lovely episode of Ghost Adventures (thanks Netflix for helping that addiction) and this blog to let you, dear reader, know that things seem to be getting better.

Also, college football starts Thursday night, which means Saturday is gonna ROCK!  My fantasy football draft was this past Saturday and I think I recruited a pretty good team, but I guess we'll find out soon enough.  Oh and how appropriate is it that my first game is against Mallory?

Well, I'm gonna attempt to get some sleep now, but I should be back soon with some football talk and an update on how I'm doing.  Love you all!

My Last Two Weeks...in a nutshell

Depression symptoms include:

• Feelings of sadness or unhappiness ✔
• Irritability or frustration, even over small matters ✔
• Loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities ✔
• Reduced sex drive
• Insomnia or excessive sleeping ✔
• Changes in appetite — depression often causes decreased appetite and weight loss, but in some people it causes increased cravings for food and weight gain ✔
• Agitation or restlessness — for example, pacing, hand-wringing or an inability to sit still
• Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements ✔
• Indecisiveness, distractibility and decreased concentration ✔
• Fatigue, tiredness and loss of energy — even small tasks may seem to require a lot of effort ✔
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or blaming yourself when things aren't going right ✔
• Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things ✔
• Frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide
• Crying spells for no apparent reason ✔
• Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches ✔

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression/DS00175/DSECTION=symptoms

Where is the love?

"Lord teach Your children, to stop the fighting, start uniting all as one.  Let's get together, loving forever..."

- Sanctuary

I always feel that all I do is complain when I write, but at least I'm being real, and that's what truly matter...right? Dear reader please know that my blogs will start to become less negative once football season is officially here (Thank God for that).

Please know that I care for you, all of you, my friends, deeply, however if I seem distracted, depressed, not myself, or just like not talking, it's nothing you did, it's something I'm trying to work through.  I've recently found out about a situation that indirectly involves me, but has deeply troubled me.  I know it's during this time that I should rely on God, and yes I KNOW I should, but it's just so difficult.  I suddenly feel like I've hit a wall.  I see him through the window shouting words of encouragement to me in the form of my friends and my daily Bible reading, but for some reason I can't open the door/window.  I WANT TO SO BAD, but something keeps pulling me back.  The worst part is I'm not even sure how I want this situation to play out.

On the plus side of things (when I'm not upset about said family situation) I've made it a goal to read a chapter of the Bible every night before I go to bed thanks to the help of AFC small groups and our special guests Becca and Teri.  Every night between 10pm-12am Becca texts me when she does her reading so that I can remember to do mine.  I in turn text Courtney, who texts Paige.  My lovely roommate Sam does something similar with Justin.  We're starting a trend and holding each other accountable so that we can grow as Christians.  So far I've read James, Jude, and I'll be finishing 1 John this week.  I think I'm going to go Old Testament next.

Ugh I just wish I could escape for a little bit so I could figure things out, but such is life.  Also, when I'm ready to talk, I will, until then just understand I need your prayers.

Mue Mèkredi! (translation: Wordless Wednesday!)

Siblings

(L to R: Sarah, Crosby, Adam, Julia)

"It was nice growing up with someone like you, someone to lean on,
someone to count on... someone to tell on!"

-Unknown

I'm re-watching the first season of Parenthood and it's surprising the similarities I see in the Beaverman siblings and my own. 


I see Josh as the Adam of the family.  He's the family man you works as the glue of the siblings.  He is the problem solver and friend, but knows how to relax and have fun when needed.


Johnny is like Crosby, he's always in over his head, but tries to set things straight.  He's made a lot of mistakes in his past (and present), but he's learning and making a better life for himself.  He learns to overcome.


Now seeing that there are four siblings on the show and only 3 of us, I see a lot of both Sarah and Julia in myself.  With Sarah you have an artist who wants be successful with something for once and is still learning who she is, while Julia is established and set in her ways, but is learning to let her hair down.


Together though, all of the siblings work.  Sure they fight, cry, love, laugh, scream, and care for each other, but at the end of the day they come together and they just work.  Plain and simple.


Below is one of my favorite clips (from Season 2) and it's how just how I imagine my family, maybe not exactly, but close enough.

Josh and Johnny (Bri and Anna too) I love you guys and I'm so happy to have you in my life.  I miss you and can't wait for us all to be reunited again :)