Thursday, June 14, 2012

"The opposite of faith is fear."- Dean Farris

Describe 3 Legitimate Fears You Have and Explain How They Became Fears

I don't know how it happened, but since a young age I have had a fear of being alone.  Not in the sense of never finding the right person/relationship, but in general being alone.  There are numerous times when I have freaked out from being home alone, once I got so scared when I heard a sound that I called my parents freaking out only to realize it was the VCR rewinding a tape I had just finished the way, I was in high school when this happened.  I think it's because I over analyze things, so the smallest sound when I know no one is with me makes me wonder if someone broke into the house or something odd like a horrible storm is about to hit even with a clear sky.  I just can't explain it other than it scares me, I generally lock myself in my room when I'm home alone, and I just don't like it.

The next fear is something I'm not sure people will fully understand, especially since it still seems to be developing, but it's that people judge me based on those who I spend my time with.  Writing this theory/fear down just sounds weird and trust me I don't hangout with bad people, but it's that people don't see me for me, they see me as Lynn and ________, never as the individual.  I feel this is part of the reason I've had to grow up, loose, and reexamine several of my friendships this past year, which is heartbreaking for me since I don't believe I was really the cause of this series of unfortunate events.  But you life and you learn, and this fear is quickly making me learn who I can and cannot trust and what I should look for in my friendships in the future.

Lastly, I fear, that while I'm happy with my life now, I'm settling.  I legitimately love my job, my friends, my house, etc., but I constantly fear that others keep pushing me because they feel I've settled.  Yes, I want more in my life when it comes to my future, but for now I'm happy and that's what matters to me.  I guess I'm just scared that things won't work out for me if I move on too quickly, or that I'm just not suitable for any other position/career.

I feel cheesy writing these all down, but for me I think about all 3 of them on a regular basis.  Maybe they're just fears that are a part of growing up.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Light A Roman Candle With Me- fun.

List 20 Random Facts About Yourself.
  1.  People don't realize it, but I am very introverted.  It takes me a while to get use to people before I really open up and be myself.
  2.  When I become attached/dedicated to a television show, of any type (The West Wing, One Tree Hill, etc), it rips my heart out when the show gets canceled or ends because I feel like I'm losing my friends and will never see them again.  It's so bad that I follow most of the casts on twitter...
  3. In the span of 6 months I lost two uncles and an aunt on my mom's side of the family due to cancer (caused from smoking).  This is part of the reason why movies that play the cancer card, no matter how crappy the movie, I always cry.  It's also why I don't like smokers.
  4. I can't wait for my trip to Mexico this summer. I really miss the west coast and the company that comes with it.
  5. I'm making it a goal to learn more about our presidents so I can successfully play True American as seen in a recent episode of New Girl.
  6. I love my job more than people realize.  I've become a beast at multi-tasking thanks to it, which is why I think I always feel like I always have to be doing something and it's so difficult for me to relax.
  7. Hockey is quickly becoming one of my favorite sports.  Yes, I am a Pittsburgh Penguins fan.  No I'm not a band wagoner.  Yes, I can name more players than Malkin, Crosby, and Fluery that are on the team.
  8. Sometimes I really miss school because I feel like I have too much free time.  However, Netflix, Hulu, and my Kindle are becoming my best friends.
  9. I've recently become engulfed with documentaries on Netflix.  They are the coolest things ever!  I recommend Waiting For Superman, Being Elmo, Aileen: Life and Death of a Serial Killer, and Grizzly Man.
  10. I love to sing, however I'm only truly comfortable singing when I'm in my car alone or at church.
  11. Ecclesiastes and Romans are my two favorite books of the Bible.  More specifically Ecclesiastes 3 and Romans 12.
  12. I have a hard time writing blogs because I'm fearful I might be too honest with my thoughts and offend too many people.  Which doesn't help my mind because I think writing is suppose to be freeing.
  13. Drama seeks me out, even though I'm never directly involved.  This makes me sad, especially since I'm a people pleaser.  I just don't know how to fix this.
  14. I swear Disney brings out the 8 year-old hidden inside of me.  Mention Toy Story (1-3), Wall*E, or The Muppets and you'll understand.
  15. 6 years is too soon for a high school reunion (sorry fellow Suwannee High class of 2006 peers).
  16. Since giving up Facebook for Lent in February, I've noticed I use my computer less, but my phone more.
  17. For once I would like to be genuinely happy for more than 24 hours without disruptions (people don't realize how difficult this is for me).
  18. I have a lot of my band music from high school saved up in folders in my room.  I miss playing my flute (and piccolo), but I mostly miss marching.
  19. Volleyball needs to happen again soon.  I'm looking at you AFC!  This must happen next semester.
  20. Tuesday Night Trivia at 4th Quarter is one of the highlights of my week.  I have a great team and we're constantly making friends.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I Have Goals...

"Follow your passion.  Stay true to yourself.  never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path.  By all means, you should follow that."- Ellen DeGeneres, Tulane Commencement Speech 2009

Ah, I can't believe it's February already!  I mean my 24th birthday is in 12 days.  Just another step closer to 30, but I'm slowly not getting scared of that milestone, even though the book I'm reading (Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin) which constantly brings this up.  Side note: my 30th birthday will be on a Tuesday.

Anywho, I kind of failed my New Year's Resolutions in January, except for reading my Bible and no soda, but I did vow that February 1st would be when I get everything in place to succeed the rest of the year.  With that being said candy is, again, officially out of my diet and I'm going to start the Couch 2 5K with the roomies this weekend.  The goal to help get me to complete this exercise regimen is The Color Run taking place in Orlando in Dec.  Right now, Samantha and I are the only two of the four who is going to do actually participate in the run, but at least Mallory and David have agreed to train with us.

I'm also going to be participating in February's Photo A Day Challenge, with many thanks to my dear friend Rachel and her sister Jessica for the influence.  This is what I have so far:
Day 1: Your View Today

Day 2: Words
Day 3: Hands
Day 4: A Stranger
Day 5: 10AM
Day 6: Dinner
Day 7: Buttons

I'm hoping to be more artistic with the rest of the month, but we'll see how it goes.

I want to end today's post with a great new musical find, thanks mainly to Glee and Pandora.  It's a somewhat new indie band called fun. and I'm hoping that it's not just another band Mallory ridicules me for listening to (she just doesn't understand how awesome different tastes in music can be, lol).  Anyway, here is my current musical obsession:

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Better Late Than Never: The "I'm On A Boat" Edition

"I'm on a boat and it's going fast and
I got a nautical themed, Pashmina Afghan
I'm the king of the world, on a boat like Leo
If you're on the shore, then you're sure not me, oh"
- The Lonely Island, I'm On A Boat

I was finally able to get the photos from my cruise this past Thanksgiving so here is the long awaited post (thanks Denise)!
Arriving at Port Canaveral, our ship Carnival Ecstacy
Oh the hilarity of the signs in the dinning hall.  Also, ice cream was my jam!  No surprise there though...
We were suppose to leave port at 4, however we were delayed 4 hours.  This is us finally leaving the dock.
Mom's eyes were closed in the first photo, so this is take 2.
Market Place in Freeport, Bahamas
Limbo contest
This guy could do anything...
Just when you think he's a pro, check out what happens next.
Yes, that's two empty beet bottles holding up the limbo pole.
Can he do it?
Well, watching him dislocate his knees and hip while stretching was fun... 
Yeah, um...I can't do that with my knees.  And no they aren't touching the ground.
Yeah, that's not human.
Don't you wish this were you?
The beach in Freeport
Mom, Brooke, myself, and Denise
Silly face for a silly girl who matches her doll at dinner.
Awesome table mates enjoying our dinner show.  And yes Haven did get braids on the island.
Denise and Brooke's towel puppy.
My awesomer towel puppy.
Docked in Nassau
Yup, we were there for National Friendship Day.  This was the band before the parade started.
Not only am I a princess in the Bahamas, I have my own accident and emergency room (exactly what I need too, since I'm so accident prone and all).  Apparently it's like $7 a day and $30 for a week at this hospital...
And this is the hospital.  Remind me when I have the money to donate some here.
Denise, Brooke, and myself right before we did the Queen's Staircase leading to the Fort in Nassau.  Between the staircase and the Fort we walked up and down 200 steps.
This is the Queen's Staircase.
We did it!  Also there were several natives who commented on my Notre Dame shirt here.  Who knew there were so many Fighting Irish fans in the Bahamas?!
A view of our ship from the Fort.
We snuck into a group of tourists who had paid for a tour guide (scandalous, I know) and we learned that the island of Nassau is 7 miles by 23 miles.  That's crazy least to me.
We went to the Nassau Pirate Museum, where we saw the pirate ship Revenge, which was captained by  the Dread Pirate Roberts.  Well not quite, but it definitely gave us flashbacks to The Princess Bride.  And yes, it really was Captained by Roberts, Bartholomew Roberts, to be exact. 
A cool scene in the museum of pirate surgery.
Johnny Depp...Jack Sparrow...WHY'S THE RUM GONE!?
Not really, but this was the image they used for being marooned.
"Inconceivable."  "You keep using that word.  I do not think it means, what you think it means."
A really pretty church just outside the Pirate museum in downtown.
Love the sign.  Makes me happy.
This kid OWNED Camp Carnival.
She won a gold plated plastic ship on a stick for winning the Camp Carnival  family scavenger hunt, which explains why her face is all colorful and artsy.
Towel gorilla!
Brooke's umbrella drink from the bar.  It's Diet Coke, so don't worry.
Half Moon Cay, Bahamas = beach/lazy day.
Sand mermaid.
Another awesome pirate ship.
Slow motion running is hard to capture on camera.
After a nice rain storm, and ride back to the ship on a tender boat, we saw  a lovely ray of sunshine down through the darkness.  God made a lovely day for us.
I'm dead serious when I say there are no special effects here.  This is how bad the wind was on the top of the ship at the mini golf course.  Brooke and fun with it and this is by far my favorite photo from the trip.
You can't really see it, but for Thanksgiving and the official beginning of the holiday season, Carnival made it snow in the atrium.  It wasn't real snow :( but antibacterial snow is just as good. 

Our Thanksgiving turkey!  ...I meant table decoration.
Brooke just had to dance with our waiters during the show, it was great fun to watch.
They were fun.
Denise's sunglasses found an elephant.
Bullfrog towel.
A day at sea...this is what I saw, for an entire day.  While it was beautiful, it got a little old.

Brooke found us on the globe in the library.
Our dinner crew.
Standing (l to r) - Denise, Holly, Patrick, Jeff
Seated (l to r) - Brooke, myself, Nancy (mom), Haven
The waiters were awesome and had some creme brulee specially made for us since it's all we talked about all week, but was never off the menu.
This was the head waiter for the other tables in our area and he cracked us up  all week.  Like leading Happy Birthday by starting it with "One, two, and five..." instead of the traditional "One, two, three."
When we asked for a photo with him to capture these memories he made a bunny with his napkin and posed with Haven  and Jeff found it hilarious, as did the rest of us.

Dr. McBeary was sad the cruise was ending.  (Yay supporting St. Jude's with this lovely Build-A-Bear!)