Anger and Pain

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVgK5HKj3P4

There is too much to try and type up for today's quote so I found the video on YouTube.

I just finished watching what I consider to be my favorite episode of The West Wing (Season 2, Episode 22).  The storyline for this episode surrounds the President, Jed Bartlet (Martin Sheen), dealing with the death of his secretary Mrs. Landingham, his choice to go public about his battle with Multiple Sclerosis, and whether or not he will run for re-election.  In the clip, you see all of the troubles Pres. Bartlet has dealt with over the course of the season come out, in anger, towards God.  How could he let all of these things happen to Pres. Bartlet, was his work not good enough to please God?  It's obvious, however, that he is just venting his pain from the lose of a close friend, but there is still a lot behind this outburst.

This episode always makes me consider how I talk to God.  Do I give everything to him in tough times?  Or do I just give him bits and pieces while the rest resonate in my mind and heart until an outburst of anger towards him occurs?  How many people let this happen on the day to day basis?   We are taught in church to give everything to the Lord, he will provide what is needed so that we can make it through our hardships.  We are taught to seek council, to gather advice, and not to worry, but people constantly ignore this.  We think that we're strong enough to handle everything on our own, when it's overwhelming we complain that God doesn't seem to care to help us, and we just grow angrier.

For myself I know that when I hold stuff back from God it's because I feel that my problems, no matter how big they are, are smaller than everyone else's.  I don't want to bother people, or God, with my issues because I'm suppose to be the strong one, I always seem to have been (at least for my family), so I don't ever want to appear as weak.  Now I'm not saying that I've gotten angry enough to denounce God (in Latin, or in general), but I have felt and thought hurtful things towards him over some of the most petty issues.  In the end His grace and love has always shown through and I've come to realize how important it is to give everything to God.

This is something that people are struggling with everyday.  We just need to learn when to let it go, to forgive ourselves, our enemies, and God for the pain and suffering that we go through.    We go though hard times for a reason, to help us grow and overcome our own problems and to help prepare us, not only for our future challenges, but to help guide those who face the same things we have previously and struggle.  Life's little lessons (no matter how much time it takes to overcome) are what make us and strengthen our relationships with each other and with God.

I know today's post is kind of short and not clearly typed up, but I promise to get better at this.  Tomorrow (or later today, depending on how you look at it) is the Florida State vs Florida game, we'll be playing for the Florida Cup, which FSU apparently has never won (thank you Justin for that piece of information).  I'll probably end up posting some information on that tomorrow or Sunday depending on how I feel after the game.  Go Noles!

The Pursuit of Happyness

"So, I’ve been thinking about this whole being happy thing, and I feel like people get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We’re always thinking that someday we’ll be happy; we’ll get that car or that job or that person in our lives that’ll fix everything. But happiness is a mood, and it’s a condition, not a destination. It’s like being tired or hungry, it’s not permanent. It comes and goes, and that’s okay. And I feel like if people thought of it that way, they’d find happiness more often."- Julian, One Tree Hill (Season 8, Episode 8 - Mouthful of Diamonds)

So after catching up on One Tree Hill yesterday and enjoying a quite eventful Florida State game, I must say I agree with the statement above.  Happiness isn't a destination, it's a simple emotion, one that people seem to take for granted (especially when you're a football fan).  Sure the Seminoles didn't play the greatest game yesterday, but we still won.  How many times have you gone to a game and observed the crowd, watched their actions, listened to their words?  Many times during the game people cursed at how the team(s) was/were playing, they cursed the refs for bad play calls (but when it's the ACC [Another Crappy Call] how could you not?), they cheered profanities when other teams lost (i.e., Florida, Georgia, etc).  Once the team(s) started showing progress their attitudes started to change, "oh look we're finally catching the ball" or "it's about time our defense showed up."  Then the play that changed it all, with 3 seconds left on the clock we had Dustin Hopkins in for a 55 yard field goal attempt (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tz74KhnQDQo).  Redemption.  Not just from last weeks game (where Hopkins had a wide-right kick that helped UNC win), but for the loss last year at Clemson where Christian Ponder separated his shoulder.  Look at how the fans reacted.  Moments before several of us were holding out breath, praying for the win.  The kick was good, screams of joy pursued, but how long does this happiness last?  By Wednesday most of us will be over the high of the win, thinking about how we need to beat Maryland this upcoming week and how NCState will need to lose in order for us to play in the ACC championship game against (insert team here, most likely Virginia Tech).

How can we, as life-long fans go from one extreme emotion to the other in the span of an hour of football playtime?  Doesn't it seem like we handle life in the same fashion?  Things go well, we think we've hit our destination of happy, then wham!  One bad thing happens during our nature high of happiness and the whole world crumbles.  Why do we let our selves think that from that time forward it'll all be down hill?  Shouldn't we still be happy and thankful for everything we have?  Shouldn't we still praise God for the day he's given up?  These material things that surround us don't matter in the end, football games, like last night's won't matter in 5 years.  Yes, we'll look back and say "remember that one time...," but will it truly matter then?  It's just a memory, it's not the present or the future.  Going back to the video, watch it again.  What was the first thing Dustin did after the kick was declared good?  What were the first words Jimbo said in the interview?  How many people missed this while they celebrated a ball, made of leather and air, and people, who are just like them, only they display their talents every week?

To answer the questions just asked about the video, Dustin points up to the sky, most likely giving thanks to God for what had just happened.  Jimbo says in the interview: "It's like we said the good Lord has, he does things for reasons, that he tested us and for Dustin to get that opportunity again, for our kids to enjoy the victory of what they just went through, how to preserver it's tough.  I mean we've lost two of these in a row and they keep coming back, it says the character of our football team."  I thanked God as I celebrated with my friends, but I'm sure a great crowd missed this opportunity to praise him for the good, happy time we're going through.

Moving on, but staying on topic, while reading PostSecret like I do every Sunday afternoon I came across a postcard that helps sum up today's post:

It's when we're happy with our lives that the good things happen, the soul mate, money, success, etc.  We can't let anything get in the way of our own happiness, and if we do we need to stop, rethink how we're living our lives and give it all to God.  He does things for a reason and in time (with prayer and study) he will provide what we need, when we need it.  In the end, everything is on God's time and not ours, right?

I keep feeling like these posts have turned into rants, please let me know if you agree and I'll see what I can do about fixing that.  Also I'm going to try and prepare a bit more for my next post, which will probably be later this week before I fly up to DC for the Maryland game (and awesome hangout time with Mallory!).  By the way, the title was to throw you off, haha, this post has nothing to do with one of my favorite Will Smith movie's of all time (yup, I'm definitely using this time as a plug for the movie :)).  Speaking of Will Smith, I think I might use him in my next post...

Winding Road

Background for this blog:

1. I'm not jumping on the blog bandwagon.  This is something I told myself I'd do in January and 11 months later I'm finally following through.
2. My set up and style will change almost every week (my goal is to post once a week by the way).  i will be focusing on a song or quote that I feel illustrates what I'm feeling or sums up what I'll be writing.
3. this is my first time trying something like this so bare with me, especially since I'm not good with free writing.
4. Please let me know what you think, I love feedback.

Now for my first entry:

"And it's a winding road

I've been walking for a long time

I still don't know

Where it goes

And it's a long way home

I've been searching for a long time

I still have hope

We're gonna find our way home"

-Bonnie Somerville, Winding Road

There are two directions I'm going to take with this song.  First will be to relate it directly to my life and second, in true "Lynn" fashion, sports.

Recently I have figured something out with my life.  I find myself unsure of the future.  I'm graduating in spring, 6 months from now, and after 17 years of schooling, I will be on my own.  I don't want a career in my major (Family and Child Sciences) or my minor (Psychology).  I know I will have to go to Grad School, but would go crazy if I started right away.  So where is the winding road taking me?  I ask myself this a lot and th only thing I can answer with is "take the year off, work, do some traveling, save up some money, and take the GRE."  Then comes the harder question.  If you don't want to use your major, what will you study in Grad School?  This I've narrowed down to 3 things: mission work (which would take me to a Bible college most likely), something sports related (medicine or information), or something artsy which I haven't been able to enjoy since Middle School (like photography or interior design).

-Side note: I've actually had an idea for a potential job, I'm not sure how to present it though.  It's based off a conversation with the amazing Catherine (the Great) Hines about working with Club Quest and getting more involved in the organization.  My idea is to have a Club Quest office on the east coast since its only based out of Vancouver, WA currently.  With the second office questions could be answered from people who are closer, we'd probably be able to recruit more for our trips, and the potential would be to grow to multiple weeks.  Again, simply an idea, which I really have no clue how to present, and I'm not even sure it would be considered.

Back to reality, home is becoming a blur for me.  Of course Live Oak is home, my family is there, my siblings are starting their lives there, but the actual town, isn't home anymore.  The family that I've formed in Tallahassee is incredible and makes me not want to leave.  Tallahassee is the "little big town" that I've grown to love, it's the perfect size with the perfect church and it's not to far from home, Live Oak.  I had been thinking about trying to go to San Diego because I absolutely love that city, and I've kind of considered Atlanta, but I've realized that for where I am in life, they're simply too far for me to consider and that Florida is perfect for the now.  One day I will find the home (yes I know that there is Heaven, but I'm talking about the physical earthly home) and it will be marvelous, but until there I think Tally will do for the next year or 4.

Now for the real stuff, sports!  Being the Florida State fan that I am, that's what we'll mainly look at today.  Over the last 34 years we have had the most wonderful coach, Mr. Bobby Bowden.  For the first time in those 34 years we have a new coach, with new methods, and new plans, Mr. Jimbo Fisher.  I have nothing against Jimbo, in fact I have the most respect for him.  Jimbo stepped in at just the right time and has changed (at this time last year our record was 4-5, this year we are 6-3 and at the top of the Atlantic Division).  Don't get me wrong, I was, and still am, sad to see Bobby go (I cried at 5 football games over the matter), but even the most dedicated FSU and Bobby fans have to admit it was simply time for us to move on to brighter things.

That being said, Florida State fans get your heads out of your butts.  Yes we have new leadership, yes we have a better records than previous years, but it's not Jimbo's fault that our players are catching the ball, kicking perfect field goals, or blocking correctly.  Also, just because we lose and it's the offense's fault doesn't mean it's Christian Ponder's (#11) fault.  Specifically the lose to NCState, if you watch the play that lost us the game you'll see that Christian did everything he was suppose to, as did Ty Jones (#33), however when Ty went in to BLOCK for Christian, his shoulder hit the ball out of Christian's hands.  It was just bad luck, yet you judged him for this loss and were questioning why he was still quarterback.  I'm not trying to say Christian or any of the Noles are perfect, but this is not how you support a team how is having a difficult time, especially this close to the end of the season.  We need to remember sportsmanship, and that includes acting sportsmanlike towards our own team.  Don't be quick to judge our players, the other teams players or the refs, they're all doing the best they can.  We're still 6-3, we're still at the top of our division (barely, but still), we're still going to a bowl game, be happy!

Wow, I didn't expect that to turn into a rant, but I'll just leave it at that for now.  Depending on how tonight's game against Clemson (former Bowden Bowl, or as Mallory and I would say the "Our coach does your coaches mom" bowl) goes I might post another one, based on the game?  You'll just have to wait and see.