"All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere"
- Gary Jules, Mad World
*Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with any one particular incident, it is something I've thought about for some time now.
Sometimes I don't understand how such a nice person can be kicked so many times. I honestly try to be strong, to stand up after the fall, but then there are other times when I'm too tired to fight, too tired to try. I just want everyone else to be happy so I put myself in the back of my mind...again to be kicked around.
I don't do it to hurt myself, at least not on purpose.
God commands us to love one another, to help each other and that's how I try to live my life. Believe me I know I'm not perfect, but I try to do what is right in God's eyes. People keep telling me I'm a good person, even though I can be a pushover, but what can I say I love to help others. But my question is why do I do this so much and so often that sometimes I just feel crappy?
When I do spend a day having fun, something for myself (but not completely) something always comes that tears me down. I guess I just spread myself too thin sometimes. I keep telling myself its something that I need to work on, but I never change anything.
I really am yearning my annual trip to Mexico this year (even though it's not going to happen due to family reasons, which I'm excited for) because I know it's the one time a year when I can just get away from it all. No work, school, technology, distractions, no stress. Just me and 80+ other people working for God, spreading his love. Why can't everyday be like Mexico? Why have we become so dependent on all of these other things? Why must they control our lives?
I'm spending the next 12 hours or so in my own little piece of Mexico. After I put this post up I'm signing off my computer until some time tomorrow and my phone will be off. I going to try my best to get away from distractions and just enjoy myself, get some me time. I can't wait to see what Final Weeks brings, but for now I just want to relax and not have to worry about anything or anyone.
I will not spread myself thin tonight.
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